Subconscious’ view

Hell isn’t on earth.. or in another realm.. it is earth.. and my presence on it.. without me, hell does not exist.. if I wasn’t here.. no concept of hell would exist..

From children of psychological and spiritually immature parents.. narcissistic, controlling psychotic behavior passed onto me.. walk and talk this way.. or, the beatings will begin.. go here, do this, or you will surely pay.. you don’t listen.. you don’t eat.. will you assimilate now.. be a good robot, and we will love you..

Love.. what is this.. we’ll leave you alone, should you comply.. we’ll beat you into submission, should you not.. the slave grows on.. into the teens, making plans of escape.. none realized, back into the cage of this life.. Did you hear.. you can get a drivers permit at 15.. the boy sees his out.. must be pounced upon..

Receiving the paper to drive, the move hatched.. 30 hours later.. a bag of clothes, and your gone.. seeing a bright world, full of potentials.. get the jobs, pay the bills.. maybe you’ll have a day for yourself.. then it sets in… another place, another slave.. slave to all.. no matter the direction.. nothing has changed.. merely the environment..

Saving a few bucks.. you meet up with One to embrace.. after time, the two become one.. fighting their personal demons along the way.. The brightest days in the life.. then one day, it is realized.. I’m a slave.. again.. but this time I’ve walked into it… and agreed to it.. this may be for some.. but not for me.. after time and heartache, move on and try again.. having fucked up lives of many more along the way..

Twenty more years.. it goes on.. repeating the endless cycles of slavery.. some forced.. some agreed upon.. it’ll be different this time.. in the back of the mind..

Old looks back upon the life.. nothing has changed for the seven year old, standing in corners.. in the shadows.. do this.. we’ll give you that.. be of good cheer, and we’ll like you.. don’t do it your way, do it ours.. the words implanted in soul.. nothing has changed, inside.. in all of this time? conclusion is the waste of a life.. who wants to be what someone else wants..

You’ve gotta do this.. you’ve gotta do that.. why do you make the rules? because I’m, wiser.. older.. more experienced…. who are you? do it like this, or I can’t use you.. how to survive.. should you.. how to die.. should you..

Days and nights, dusks and dawns of the years.. what has been learned.. the matrix reaches everything.. and most people.. escape is futile.. only for the rich.. irony.. ones that have a choice.. decide to stay.. flourish.. grow within its bars..

Some preach past lives.. that we choose to come here.. who would choose to come?! to each their own.. Some preach saving sinners.. god made imperfections? what is this.. bless me, and I will bless you.. no thanks, been there.. Others preach of nothing, or something else when we die… who cares.. death is here..

Be happy, pretend you enjoy.. I can tolerate more, I suppose.. maybe they’ll get me to assimilate before I die.. hell within, hell without.. why adjust to this.. crazies are running the asylum..

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